i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
