i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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