it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
