she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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