His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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