Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
