A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
