btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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