I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
