Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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