The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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