i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
