spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
