I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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