It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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