R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
