gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
