If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
