I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
