I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
