I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
my liver is dry heaving
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
