I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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