Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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