Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
