$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
