Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
