Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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