my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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