We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
