Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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