Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
