Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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