just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
