SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
