holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
