absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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