The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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