Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
