I feel great
I just peed on a car
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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