Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
