PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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