and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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