Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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