We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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