He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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