I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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