i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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