Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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