And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
