i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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