I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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