I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
