if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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