I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
